I know that you can't,
Possibly understand,
The things that I'm going through,
This state that I'm in.

I didn't tell you...

I know that you can't see,
These tears rolling down my face,
The ones shed in silence,
The ones racked with pain.

I didn't show you...

How could you have known,
All I wanted was for you to hold me.
That I just wanted to talk,
That I just wanted you near me.

I didn't ask you...

You didn't know,
I was just lonely.
How were you to know,
I just wanted you to stop me?

I ran away...

I know that you don't know,
I did this on purpose.
There's a reason I left you,
So completely clueless.

I don't want to lose you...

Maybe it's too late now,
Maybe we're too far along,
Maybe I've caused too much damage,
But there's nothing you could have done.

You didn't know...

3/10/07

When something happens,
So suddenly.
When everything crumbles,
So indefinitely.

It's a glance at oblivion,
Which changes your mind.
That something so terrible,
Is so beautiful, it's time,

For scared little children,
To run away.
To scream, to shout,
Tell them everything's okay,

Just because it never is.
But maybe, just this once,
It's okay to lie,
Tell them half-truths.

And now, in this time,
When it's looming overhead,
So powerful, so weak,
I'd rather hide instead,

Just because of everything,
That's never going to be okay.
And the pitiful ends that come,
Could never compare to this day.

2/28/07

I'm standing on the haystacks,
Wishing on the rain,
Making promises to the stars,
Tears of joy, tears of pain.

I'm walking the streets at midnight,
Talking to the moon,
And when I'm breathing with the wind,
I'm second to no one.

And moonlight dances on your skin,
Shining pale as the cold winter air,
Hot as tears from crying eyes,
Weeping for someone, somewhere.

It's the color of your thoughts,
That bleed red as fire,
Like fireflies at night,
Like the depths of my desire.

It's the vision of moonlight,
And the sent of rain,
That so entices me,
That fills my dreams.

2/25/07

Now that's something new,
That look in your eyes.
There's something I never hear,
From you, such a defeated sigh.

You know, you usually yell.
You tell me just what you think of me.
But not now, no,
You just let me see,

All of your pain,
And how I hurt you so bad.
You can't even shout at me anymore,
I don't think I've ever seen you so sad.

You can barely stand to look at me,
Aren't I right?
It's amazing what I see now,
Through tear-filled sight.

No, please don't cry too,
I'll shed tears for us both.
Just let me hold you,
Let me show you love,

Because I need you to understand,
That I never meant to make you hurt.
Please accept my apologies,
For whatever they're worth.

Show me your anger,
That's something I understand.
But just don't look at me like that,
Because I can't take the pain.

2/8/07

You know it's wrong,
But you do it anyway,
Because it's expected,
Because they want you to.
But also,
You like the feeling that you get,
When you take hold of the chain,
And tear out their insides,
Everything they have.
You like the power that comes with,
Seeing someone get down on their knees,
And beg,
Seeing them submit.
You like the fame,
Everyone staring at you like,
You're the most amazing person in the world,
Even though you just cost someone,
Their self respect, their pride, their life.
But most of all,
You like the fear,
Because that's what makes you invincible,
That's what gives you the power,
The respect,
Even when the world backs away from you,
Like you don't deserve,
The humanity you've just stolen.
But I think,
You just do it because you can.

1/31/07

Please tell me you love me,
Just so I know you still do.
And even if you don't,
Please make it obvious to me.

I want to hear you say you need me,
So even if I never hear it again,
I'll always have that one memory,
And I'll pretend there was never any pain.

Just tell me that you want me to stay,
Because then I'll never leave.
I don't think I could if I tried,
But I need to hear you say it.

I want to hear I'm beautiful,
If only one more time.
Then maybe I can pretend that it's true,
Maybe even on the inside.

I want to know you're on my side,
Even when times get rough,
And that you like who I am,
So tell me that I'm good enough.

Just tell me that you love me.
I'd give anything to stay by your side.
I need to know that you still care,
Because I'll love you until the day that I die.

1/20/07

I don't think you can see them,
All the thoughts inside my head,
Just how scared and unsure I am,
I really wish you'd look away instead,

Instead of seeing the sadness,
Instead of asking yourself why,
Why you even bother with me,
And ever let me call you mine.

But I could never tell you,
That I'm scared or that I cried.
Just in case you tell me,
That my fears are justified.

But can I ask you about forever,
Because I don't like to be alone.
Don't leave me here, still in love,
That's the cruelest joke of all.

I really wish I could,
But I can't read your mind.
Are there things you wish you had,
Needs I can't satisfy?

There are so many questions,
Mysteries surrounding our love.
But for now, I'll start simple,
I ask you... am I enough?

1/19/07

In the candle's gentle glow,
I lay with my head on your chest.
Words go unspoken and I hear nothing,
Except the beat of your heart in the silence.

And there's notion that I get,
As you idly stroke my hair,
That time is crawling by,
If only for us two here,

Stopping completely as our eyes meet.
Your eyes shine brighter now,
And I see everything just for me.
I wonder if you always knew somehow,

That look could bring me to my knees.
But no, I can't be that transparent.
Though here in the fading twilight,
I wonder if you can see right through me.

Because now, I'm not hiding anything,
With a peace I haven't known in years,
I bare my soul for only you,
Content just to have you here.

The moon shines bright outside your window,
Making ours a world apart.
Your gentle smile puts me at ease,
As I fall asleep to the beat of your heart.

1/15/07

The wind howls outside my window.
I wish it would blow harder,
And take away the sadness,
A pull so much stronger.

The rain pounds heavily on the roof,
Drowning out all the sound.
It could be so much louder,
And I wouldn't mind at all.

Lightning carves an angry path,
Lighting up the night sky,
Slashing through the clouds,
Breaking its earthly tie.

Close by, the thunder booms,
Proving it's absolute strength.
I only wish it was closer,
If only for dramatic sake.

It rages on for hours,
As the earth cries out in pain.
The storm erupts from me,
As I sob against the window pane.

1/12/07

Do you ever get that feeling?
Like you've gone completely numb.
It's a way to ease the pain,
When there's too much damage done.

What about complete hopelessness,
Isn't that what come next?
Like there's nothing you can do,
But let time commence.

There's an ache in your heart,
That falls somewhere in between.
It gently picks at your sanity,
Until nothing's what it seems.

Now the sadness and bitter anger,
They follow in time.
The need to place the blame,
When your pride is on the line.

It may take awhile to forgive,
And even longer to forget,
But acceptance finishes the cycle.
Your broken heart will hear yet.

1/11/07

How entirely endearing it is,
For you, so completely jaded,
To dispel these shadows,
The ones that I've created.

The forged memories,
Of the life I've made for you.
But maybe for the best,
Best if you never knew.

How could you do that?
Reveal it all, I mean.
I only did this for the sake,
Of one who could not dream.

One who could not survive,
In the midst of reality.
Would you let it happen?
For me to create so carefully.

Oh how simple it is,
To hold the lie in your face.
And you, so entirely desperate,
For another time, another place.

How easy it is to forget,
The truth that you seek,
When faced with an illusion,
Of everything you need.

1/9/07

Do you know what it's like to want something so bad,
But you could never have it?
Do you know that it's like to finally have the impossible?
But now I'm so terribly scared,

That the words never seem to come when I need them,
Like I'm someone else entirely.
And I'm not sure if he ever expected the mess that I am.
And now everything's gone that was ever a certainty.

Now I wonder what my actions show him,
Though certainly not what I intend.
And all the feelings that are held within me threaten to spill over,
But the walls can not be broken, and I can not pretend,

That who I am now, will always be me.
And what if he doesn't like who I become,
Because I try so hard to be everything he wants,
And I won't ever know, where that person comes from.

I've come to dread so completely, the times that we fight,
Especially the feeling that comes with, I'm entirely helpless,
And a feeling not so foreign, it threatens to take over.
I wonder if he can see it, how I feel so completely worthless.

I get so scared sometimes, though not entirely sure why,
Though it never takes much to dispel my fear.
Because as much as I am uncertain about,
I know, that I couldn't stand life without him here.

1/9/07

Shattered dreams,
Of a broken past,
Ripping through this skin,
Tearing through the last.

Fortified monuments,
Getting ready to fall,
On the edge of oblivion,
Scared to move at all.

Walking in the shadows,
Of a deadly sin.
Whispered promises,
Swearing to lie again.

With the blood on his face,
Condemning him to death,
Carrying the weight of the world,
Fallen on his knees to rest.

Moonlit shadows,
Casting a desolate glow.
One's broken spirit,
Move on to the next show.

In the middle of the night,
I bury myself down in the blankets,
Cradling the last bit of my pride,
As once again I cry myself to sleep.

Reaching out for someone,
As once again I'm all alone.
Whispering silent apologies,
With no comfort but my own.

Your words play over and over in my head.
Everything telling me that you're right.
I know I shouldn't say anything,
Yet I always stand to fight.

I was never one to back down,
Just because of foolish pride.
Wanting some semblance of myself,
That I don't hate deep inside.

I'll try this time I swear,
But I fail every time I do.
Because with every tear I know,
That I'll never be good enough for you.

Someone who will stand beside me,
Even when I'm feeling down.
Someone who will hold me up,
When I can't stand on my own.

Someone who will pull me closer,
When I try to push them away.
Someone who will always mean it,
When they say they'll always stay.

Someone who will love me,
Even when I'm hard to love.
Someone who will just hold me,
When just being there is enough.

Someone who will tell me,
When I'm right and when I'm wrong.
Someone who will support me,
No matter who's side I'm on.

Someone who will listen,
When there's something I need to say.
Who won't care if I'm silent,
When words get in the way.

Someone who I've always had,
When I needed someone to turn to.
Now you know the answer,
To what I want from you.

Hands trembling, she slowly slid the blade across her skin,
Little drops of blood forming before she was even done.
The tears rolled down her face as she tried,
Tried to justify her actions, tried not to cry.

The pain she didn't understand left it's mark on her soul.
This was her secret, one she so desperately wanted to share.
But guilt overcame her and she started to go numb,
Remembering when he said he'd always be there for her.

Falling to her knees she whispered that she was sorry,
Sorry that she let him down when she did this to herself,
Sorry that she just wasn't strong enough to ask for his help,
Asking herself over and over how he could stand beside her.

The cross on the wall stared her straight in the face,
Reminding her of all the promises she made.
Burying her face in her hands, she screamed out for help.
She begged for the forgiveness she didn't deserve.

In desperation, she threw the blade at the wall,
Telling herself that she'd never do it again.
She hurt too many with her selfish pride,
And she didn't really deserve them in the end.

11/11/06

Staring out into the blackness of the human heart,
I once again find myself grasping for a breath.
It's hard to breathe when I'm choking on my mistakes,
Hard to live for you when I've died myself.

You gave me a chance and showed me what love was.
After all you've done what have I done for you?
I refuse to drag you down, I'd never do that,
But I won't fall when I have you to hold on to.

I can't say just why I refuse to scream.
Why I can't cry out when I need to the most.
You've needed to see so long, the pain I don't dare show.
I played with fire and now it's burning us both.

When knowing the truth just isn't enough,
Seeing it my eyes won't ease the past.
You always needed me to say just that,
Everything that could have made this last.

There are some things that are so hard to say.
I'm finding words that you've never heard.
And I'm trying to say just the right things,
But I can't, so I'll just put my heart in your hands.

Simply hoping that it'll be enough.

10/22/06

The broken pieces of your heart lay scattered on the ground,
Crushed by the heavy chains by which your soul is bound.
The jagged edges tear the blood from your hand,
As you try to pick up the pieces to make it whole again.

The blood falls like raindrops in shallow pools upon the floor,
Staining your heart black and leave you needing more.
They mirror the tears in your eyes that always seem to fall.
They flood your soul to tell you that you're not okay at all.

You fall to your knees clutching what's left of your pride,
Bruised so badly by him that you're screaming inside.
Your confidence has run down like water down a drain.
Blinded by his promising words, you look back in shame.

He took his bloody knife and thrust it straight into your heart,
Carving bloody lines in his sort of macabre art.
You scream out to the heaven yelling make it go away,
Asking for deliverance from the memories of that day.

The broken pieces of your heart are gathered in your hands.
Staring at the awful mess, you finally understand.
The razor edges blunted by the sands of time.
The fragile heart you've made will beat just fine.

9/14/06

A child's desperate please,
Go unanswered, she is alone.
As her spirit is bruised and broken,
Just like her fragile bones.

The monster in the dark,
And the demons in her dreams,
Are all too real for her.
She knows what fear means.

One mistake is all it takes,
To gain her punishment.
Helpless to fight back,
She prays for her death.

Waiting in cold fear,
Her nightmares are made known.
Now the torture begins,
In the place she calls her home.

A burning hatred,
That she doens't understand.
Was she destined to die,
By her father's hand?

And when he's through,
All that's left behind,
Are the remnants of a broken spirit,
And the love she could never find.

A soft, silvery sound,
Whispered on the wind.
A testament to your heart,
Beating once again.

A new light emerges,
From the depths of your soul.
And the fire in your eyes,
Is what you have to show.

In the midst of a wanderer's,
Erratic winding path,
You found what you were looking for,
Answers to questions you didn't ask.

In a fleeting glance,
Lies a twist of fate.
Love found an easy course,
For only you to take.

This isn't what you dreamed of.
No, this is so much more.
Now your heart's discovered,
Just what you need love for.

A plead for help,
Whispered in the dark.
A scream silenced,
By the beat of your heart.

The blood on your hands,
Determines your fate.
And the darkness in your eyes,
A reflection of your hate.

Your paths are set before you,
And you have to choose.
But always remember,
Just what you stand to lose.

The coldness of your touch,
Proves that you are lying.
You can't change yourself,
So why do you keep trying?

It's a long way to the ground,
And you are falling fast.
You should have known better,
That the good things never last.

The stars in your eyes,
Could not have shown brighter,
Than when you said,
You needed me the most.

As we lay beneath the stars,
And I gaze into the night,
I can hear your breathing,
And it makes everything alright.

I'd pull the stars from the sky,
For only you to keep.
But for now,
I'll watch over you as you sleep.

You ask if anything's wrong?
You just killed me inside,
But I doubt you even noticed,
Because I try to hide it.

Your words cut the deepest.
I can't ignore what you say.
And when you ask what's wrong,
I'll tell you everything's okay.

I can feel the burn of tears,
But they'll go away in time.
I won't let myself break down.
Don't worry, I'll be fine.

Behind every "I'm fine,"
There's someone crying inside.
And when you hear that "it's okay,"
It's not okay at all.

Nothing is wrong,
And crying is against the rules,
Except when you've lost it all,
And there's nothing left to lose.

But then you have nothing,
So why let emotion take reign.
You'll find yourself on the ground,
Strangled by your shame.

But there is never nothing,
For there is always pain,
When you replay your mistakes,
In your head, over and over again.

But for now I'll tell you,
That nothing is wrong,
And maybe you won't see,
That I've been lying all along.

It's when you try to be perfect,
Even though you know you're not,
So maybe you could be his everything,
To take a place inside his heart.

When you screw up badly,
Yet he still forgives you,
And he blames himself,
Though you know it's your fault too.

It's when you want to spend forever,
Wrapped in his arms,
Because you feel safe,
And you know that he's yours.

When no one else,
Ever stood a chance.
You knew that he was worth it,
All at just a glance.

It's when you'd wait forever,
Just to hear him say,
The words that mean so much,
And make everything okay.

When everything in the world,
Is all going wrong,
But just one look into his eyes,
And you know that you'll be fine.

It's when you give him the ability,
To break your heart,
But trust him enough,
To know that he won't.